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1.
There
are no right ways to get engaged, so get engaged in whatever way is right for you and your fiancee-to-be!
8.
A
rule of thumb about the cost of the engagement ring is that it should cost
about three months of the man’s gross salary.
Obviously this is only a guideline and not a hard and fast rule!
19.
The
most important thing to discuss at this meeting is who pays for what expenses
of the wedding. Nothing can cause more problems than misunderstandings about this!!
22. The bride’s parents may want to stick with tradition, however, and pay for the entire wedding.
23.
The
size of the guest list should be determined by whomever is paying for the
wedding!
32. An engagement party is nice if the wedding is going to be very small. More people may be invited to an engagement party if the fare is only cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.
36. The maid/matron of honor and the bridesmaids normally give the bride a shower.
41.
The
bride and groom are doing their families, their friends and themselves a favor
if they register for gifts.
72. Verbal “thank you’s” are not enough when a gift is received!
73.
Form letter thank you notes are crass!
81.
Wedding
invitations should always be mailed
four to six weeks before the wedding!
88.
Response
cards are a quick and easy was in which to accept or decline a wedding
invitation and we all know how much modern Americans like things that are quick and easy!
112.
Thank you notes for wedding
gifts must be sent within two weeks after receipt of the gift! You cannot wait a year to send your thank
you notes.
121. Traditionally, the parents of the groom pay for the dinner after the rehearsal for the wedding ceremony.
124.
The
friends and/or relatives of the bride and groom who have made a long trip to
attend the wedding, are sometimes invited to the rehearsal dinner along with
the wedding party, etc.
134. If it is possible, it is nice for the bride to have a luncheon for all of her attendants before her wedding. This luncheon used to be given on the day of the wedding, but things are usually much too hectic that day for anyone to want to have a luncheon.
140. The groom may wish to host a dinner for all his groomsmen if time and circumstances permit.
146. It is bad form for the groom to show up at his wedding all bleary eyed and hung over!
147. Most couples want some sort of a religious ceremony for their wedding even if they do not attend a church, synagogue or whatever on a regular basis.
148.
In
America today, people from different religious backgrounds are getting married
much more frequently than they did in the past. This may cause some serious problems when a couple decides to
have a religious ceremony for their wedding.
152.
Whatever
the couple decides, if they are truly in love and ready to commit themselves to
each other, they must not argue about
the religious service! Remember that
the blending together of the great religions, races, nationalities and cultures
of the world through marriage is one of the things that makes America the great
country that it is!
153. It is not necessary for the bride and groom to have the same number of attendants stand up for them at the wedding ceremony, but it is customary.
158.
Most
modern American brides wear a traditional
long white dress when they are married.
177.
For
a formal wedding the groom and his groomsmen should be dressed in tuxedos that
are appropriate for the time of the day in which the wedding will be held.
189.
Guests
have a responsibility to dress appropriately also!
190.
If
the wedding is to be held in a church, synagogue or any other house of God,
then blue jeans, baseball caps, shorts, halter tops, t-shirts, sneakers, combat
boots or anything else that one would wear for a casual day at the ball park is
unacceptable attire!! This type of attire is unacceptable anytime
at any house of worship, but especially at a wedding!
193. At the appointed time as stated in the wedding invitation, the ceremony must begin!
197.
It
is still considered bad luck in some circles for the groom to see his bride on
the day of their wedding before the
moment in which she appears on her father’s arm in the church and is about to
walk down the aisle to marry him.
200. The groom enters the church from a side door on the right of the church. His groomsmen follow him in and then they turn to face the congregation.
205.
If
the bride’s mother and father have been divorced and she has remarried, her new
husband may sit with her in the front row on the left side of the church, but
he should have been seated earlier and not escorted down the aisle when she is
escorted.
206.
There
are some situations in modern America in which both the bride’s father and
stepfather have shared in her upbringing.
Some modern brides ask both
men to escort her down the aisle.
223.
When
the bride does appear in the church all beautifully dressed in her wedding
gown, it is perfectly normal for the groom to get a little “weak in the knees”
or light headed. This is a very big moment in his life!
(It is desirable for him not to leave or pass out at this time, however!)
246.
The
Jewish wedding, like the Christian wedding, is rich in traditions and even in
modern America, it is nice if they are observed as a way of paying homage to
the past. Many of the traditions of the Christian weddings
come from the traditions which were started by the Hebrews.
247. The custom of having the bride wear a veil on her wedding day goes back to the first wedding mentioned in the bible which was the wedding of Isaac and Rebekah. When Rebekah saw Isaac, her future husband coming across the fields, she covered her face with her scarf. This gesture is a Middle Eastern custom to show modesty.
250. On the Sabbath before his wedding, the groom may be called to the Torah in his synagogue as a way to honor him.
251. A Jewish bride who wants to follow tradition may go to the ritual bath, the mikveh, for the ceremonial immersion and purification.
252. The Jewish wedding ceremony takes place under a huppah which symbolizes the new home the couple will make for themselves.
258. Jewish weddings are following tradition if they are held outside at night on a star filled evening.
259.
In
the Jewish wedding processional, the entire immediate family of the bride and
groom participate if possible.
263. The groom and his parents follow the best man. The groom should be in the middle with his mother to his right and his father to his left.
The Orthodox
Processional
270. The Orthodox processional differs from the traditional processional in that the two fathers escort the groom and the two mothers escort the bride.
Under the Huppah –
Traditional Ceremony
Under the Huppah –
Orthodox Ceremony
Breaking the Glass
281. A very important part of the Jewish wedding ceremony involves the breaking of a (cloth-wrapped) glass by the groom. This is meant to be a reminder to the congregation not only of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, but also of the “fragility” of life which we must never forget even in our happiest moments.
Recessional –
Traditional
Recessional –
Othodox
Divorced Parents
290. Sadly, Jewish couples get divorced just as Christian couples do in modern America, but if at all possible, the parents of the bride and groom should put aside all differences and participate fully in the wedding of their son or daughter.
People Who Should Not Attend the Wedding
291. If the parents of the bride have been divorced and there is so much bitterness between the ex-spouses that there might be an “incident” at the wedding, then the spouse who is giving the wedding, should not invite the other spouse to the wedding!
297. It would be the height of bad manners to ruin a happy occasion such as a wedding with petty bickering!
Receiving Line
298. If there is a receiving line, the order of the people in it and even who will be in it may vary.
The Bridal Table
316. At a formal wedding, there is usually a bridal table where the bride, groom and their attendants sit.
320. If any of the attendants are married, their spouses should sit at a table with the other guests during the meal and not at the bridal table.
Photos
321. Too often at modern American weddings, the wedding ceremony is spoiled by photographers who seem to be everywhere constantly taking flash pictures during the service.
Reception
333. The guests should be offered food and drink as soon as they arrive at the wedding reception.
337. Wedding receptions should be fun and may reflect the cultural heritage of the bride and groom.
358. Whether the dancing begins after the meal or during it, the volume of the music that is played during the meal should be such that the guests are able to engage in polite conversation with the people at their table.
359. Later in the evening, when most of the “old folks” have gone home to drink their Geritol, the young people may crank up the volume and get down!!
Second Receptions
370. Often the parents of the groom will give a second wedding reception for the couple if the wedding is to be held in the bride’s hometown and the groom’s hometown is quite a distance away.
Second Wedding
384. In the far distant past, a woman who had been married before and was about to be married again, would have a very small, discreet wedding to celebrate her second try at marital bliss.
387. If a modern American woman wants to have a full scale wedding celebration, traditional wedding gown and everything for her second marriage, most modern Americans are sophisticated enough to accept this without having coronary arrest!
391. If there are bridal showers for a second time bride, gifts of lingerie are nice since she probably already has all of her pots and pans!
Marriage
is a very serious step for people to take.
In this day and age of people keeping company for years, living together
without the benefit of a legal marriage, women having babies without being
married to the fathers of the babies, etc., etc., etc., when two people decide
to actually get “married” legally, it is a big
deal!
In
the marriage ceremony, the words “for better or worse” are spoken and should be
taken quite literally by the bride and groom.
“For better and better” are not
the words of the wedding ceremony! Marriage
is a serious commitment for two people to make to each other.
When
the “going gets tough” in a marriage, maybe “the tough should go shopping” or do something else pleasurable while tempers cool down and time
passes. A fight between two married people
is not reason enough to run to the
nearest divorce lawyer! If you care
enough about someone to fight with him or her, that is much healthier than not caring enough to fight. Of course, the fights should be verbal –
loud if necessary – but never physical!
Marriage
is not always easy, but then anything
worthwhile in life takes a lot of effort.
Work hard at your relationship and do not give up without a great deal
of serious consideration. People get
divorced much too casually these days.
The social stigma against divorce does not exist today like it did years
ago, but the emotional pain of divorce does exist especially where young children
are involved!
The
family is the basic building block of any society. It is the family unit where young children are socialized, where
they learn right from wrong, where they learn about discipline and love. If a child is born after a couple is
married, the parents of that child need to make a very serious commitment to
that child to raise him or her properly.
Part of that commitment involves a commitment to the other parent of
that child. It takes a man and a woman
to make a baby and a man and a woman to raise that baby!
Statistics
show that violent children are 11 times more likely not to live with their biological fathers! Boys who are raised by only their mothers
show much greater levels of aggression than boys who are raised by both their
fathers and their mothers! Children who
are not living with both their biological parents are four times more likely to
be suspended or even expelled from school!
This
idea that has been prevalent in modern America for the past 30 years that we
can do whatever we want without considering the harm that it is doing to others
has seriously harmed our children!
Believe
me when I tell you, there is nothing more satisfying in life than to be middle
aged, still happily married to my original husband who is the father of my two
sons and to have my boys happily married to two lovely young women. Getting to this situation in my life was not always easy!! For a newly married couple to be in this situation someday
requires the bride and groom to adopt the motto, “We would rather fight than
switch!” as my husband and I did many years ago.